I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
