Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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