I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
