I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
