you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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