she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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