do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
