I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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