i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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