as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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