I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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