today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
