im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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