Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
