This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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