batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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