Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i out mim tonsoeep
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