I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
