My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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