we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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