Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
