Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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