If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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