Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize