I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
