How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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