there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
