dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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