Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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