Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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