Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
