I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
