I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
