After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
