Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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