Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
