I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
