I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
