She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
