I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
