My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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