He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
