Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
