You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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