Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
