I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My penis needs a shock collar
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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