Your face is a jimmy john
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize