Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
the liver wants what the liver wants
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
pray to the hookup gods
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
