We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
