i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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