can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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