so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm like, not good at living.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
