I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
