Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
