my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
