My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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