Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
