It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
