so that wasnt chicken after all
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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