oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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