Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
