I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
