Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
