it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
