If that was your dad, he is hot
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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