The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude i'm inner monologue high
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
