It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize