I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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