Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
